So we’re all out here - you’re either like me or you’re curious about people like me or you’re bored or you may even just need a laugh at the expense of someone who looks different or has different beliefs - it’s all good and even though the thought of being the butt of a joke made by someone completely anonymous to me bothers me sometimes - it’s a small price for meeting new people and being honest to one’s self.So self I say, why am I not out in the thick of things?
I used to be - look at the picture and you can see that I used to be pretty adventurous; I mean you don’t get naked in front of a mall for god’s sake without being a willing to put yourself out there. This picture (and others) are a couple of years old and when I did them I felt alive. Taking these pictures meant I was different and edgy and went against the grain. Taking these pictures made me feel as if I had overcome years of always blending into the wall at social events (really, just blending in on a day-to-day basis), and never having any in my life that gave me bragging rights. Doing these pictures gave me the sense that I could actually stand up for rights and freedoms I truly believe in my heart we should have, and it made me feel strong and individual and proud.
So why do I still feel so all alone in this?
I said I found a group that seemed to be like me - acknowledging and celebrating body-freedom and individuality regardless of age, sex, body type. I’ve inserted myself into that group, albeit quietly, with the validation that I can put my money where my mouth is, all with no direct contact back from any of the other participants. Now I know that this all takes time; even with the guaranteed anonymity of the Internet there is still some reluctance in approaching people directly - I know this because I am just as guilty of this as are many, many other people who’d like to reach out to somebody , but for some reason pull back.
We’re all so different and I know that there is a lot about me that most people may not like. There are visible and personal attributes that may make people think twice about contact, things that could make people think we could have less in common than more so they just move on. I do this as well and I think it’s time for me to stop. I’d like to feel more alive again and me using excuses about my age or appearance should not hold me back. Even if I think that I have few shared interests with a person I stumble upon out here on the net, I should reach out if to do nothing more than say hello.
If you get a note from me, know that I just wanted to reach out to someone who peaked my interest, who shared an experience (good or bad) that I identified with, or made me laugh or smile.
And yes, the camera will be coming back out soon if for nothing else then to give a good laugh to someone else…
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