Is age relevant?

So I’m having another birthday. I closing in on 50; if I reach out with my hand I can touch it and even though I admire this age on others (50 is the new 40), it doesn’t seem to be reaching back to me with a warm embrace but instead with a big, fat, ugly wrinkle stick.

Over the course of a couple of years I’ve been able to interact with others socially a number of times naked, and more and more I seem to be the eldest participant. When I realize this I often wonder if I should gracefully back away from the group and just put my pants on - for some reason or another I often find myself pondering that maybe I should just this leave kind of recreation to the firmer, shapelier, tauter 20-somethings, because we’ve all heard this before: “nudists are never the people that you want to see naked”.

Does age matter when you want to be naked? I know that when I see an older person at a nude beach I think it’s a wonderful thing. I think older bodies are beautiful; each wrinkle and line shows another experience in his or her life, whether good or bad, that this person was able to maneuver and survive. That person’s ability to shed their clothes regardless of how their body looks is a testament to core beliefs and self-assurance, and with age comes wisdom; talk to this person and you get stories and history - little pearls that you can use yourself later in life.

I was looking at pictures of me at one of these gatherings and I stand out - it’s not the tattoos or the metal or my height. I’m not the only bald guy, the only skinny guy, but I am the oldest guy. As the oldest person I sat back and thought that if I were missing from the picture it might appear more natural somehow, and that with me included it almost seems as though I was an outsider trying to fit in.

I don’t know what this all means. Maybe I need to be less of a nudist trying to be naked anytime I can, wherever I can. Should I now confine myself to interacting with nudists my own age in more acceptable places - that little group on the beach surrounded by all the young bucks and does, or do I need to work harder at looking “good” for my age?

I think these must be the questions that all nudists and naturists must ask themselves - I guess for the most part these are the questions that we all ask ourselves as we get older.

I’m going to try very hard to be one of those “seniors” that we see on the beach - the older man or woman that seems not to have a care in the world regardless of a little sagging and creasing. I also need to figure out why age or a little extra weight seems to weigh heavy on mind when I always profess the opposite to others.

Maybe I just need to find more people my age that don’t care about wrinkles and gravity and don’t mind being a little out of place in the picture…

Another step outside of the ol’ comfort zone

So we’re all out here - you’re either like me or you’re curious about people like me or you’re bored or you may even just need a laugh at the expense of someone who looks different or has different beliefs - it’s all good and even though the thought of being the butt of a joke made by someone completely anonymous to me bothers me sometimes - it’s a small price for meeting new people and being honest to one’s self.

So self I say, why am I not out in the thick of things?

I used to be - look at the picture and you can see that I used to be pretty adventurous; I mean you don’t get naked in front of a mall for god’s sake without being a willing to put yourself out there. This picture (and others) are a couple of years old and when I did them I felt alive. Taking these pictures meant I was different and edgy and went against the grain. Taking these pictures made me feel as if I had overcome years of always blending into the wall at social events (really, just blending in on a day-to-day basis), and never having any in my life that gave me bragging rights. Doing these pictures gave me the sense that I could actually stand up for rights and freedoms I truly believe in my heart we should have, and it made me feel strong and individual and proud.

So why do I still feel so all alone in this?

I said I found a group that seemed to be like me - acknowledging and celebrating body-freedom and individuality regardless of age, sex, body type. I’ve inserted myself into that group, albeit quietly, with the validation that I can put my money where my mouth is, all with no direct contact back from any of the other participants. Now I know that this all takes time; even with the guaranteed anonymity of the Internet there is still some reluctance in approaching people directly - I know this because I am just as guilty of this as are many, many other people who’d like to reach out to somebody , but for some reason pull back.

We’re all so different and I know that there is a lot about me that most people may not like. There are visible and personal attributes that may make people think twice about contact, things that could make people think we could have less in common than more so they just move on. I do this as well and I think it’s time for me to stop. I’d like to feel more alive again and me using excuses about my age or appearance should not hold me back. Even if I think that I have few shared interests with a person I stumble upon out here on the net, I should reach out if to do nothing more than say hello.

If you get a note from me, know that I just wanted to reach out to someone who peaked my interest, who shared an experience (good or bad) that I identified with, or made me laugh or smile.

And yes, the camera will be coming back out soon if for nothing else then to give a good laugh to someone else…

New Year’s Resolutions

So I never try to do this to myself; set unreasonable requirements against myself so as the year progresses and my goals are unattained and I feel as though I have failed.

Failure sucks.

Failure sucks more when you can’t blame it on anyone other than yourself.

Instead of setting myself up for failure by defining unrealistic ambitions which would only result in an increase in the bad habits that I am attempting to change (I can‘t stop smoking and when I can‘t I smoke more), so I’ve decided to make resolutions that I can keep by resolving to allow myself a few things:


I will allow myself the good things that life can bring

I will allow myself to have a good time

I will allow myself to be who am and not have to apologize for it

I think this is all so simple - Why would I try to commit to changing my mind, body, soul, solve global warming and world hunger when I can decide instead that I will learn to like myself for who I am? I can still try to be a better person to myself and others but I refuse to list 10 single points of failure, any of which I could find myself agonizing over in 30-60 days when I haven’t been able to bring it to fruition.

I’m attempting to make this year a year of positives and I hope you can do the same for yourself as well; that you grant yourself wishes and allow yourself to dream your dreams, even shoot for a few. I wish for everyone laughs and smiles and that you allow one other person to know who you really are and let them in to see the bad as well as all of the good.

Oh yeah, I resolve to find a good beach in the next couple of months…

Happy Holidays

Regardless of who you are and what your beliefs, here’s wishing you the best of this holiday season with health, prosperity, and joy in the coming new year...

Now off to my dysfunctional crazy family -

pray for me

There is someone out there like me, but now what the hell do I do?

So there are others out there like me and I have no idea what to do.

When I started this blog my idea was to put myself out there in an attempt to “force” myself to be who I thought I was and to be the person that I wanted to be, and in doing so I began my quest to find others out there like myself. I must sound repetitious here but to be amongst others like you, to surround yourself with peers, must feel like a homecoming of sorts…

You would think that scanning the internet for my peers would be easy but it hasn’t been. I consider myself to be somewhat well-rounded - yes the focus of this blog seems to be geared towards freedom in a sense that a great many people wouldn’t subject themselves to and there is a great emphasis on complete freedom (or at least as much as a society will allow, coupled with my push to get just a little bit more and then some). As I searched for groups or individuals their focus didn’t always seem to be as blended as I thought mine to be - their needs seemed almost to be always specifically political, sexual, geographical, or individually motivated and I always thought my beliefs to be a combination of all of these things.

To be honest, the discouragement of being a man alone in his wants and needs almost became isolating.

And then I found them - the others like me.

I found them on the internet, tucked away in their own little corner, unadvertised and not promoted by pop-ups or annoying requests for my credit card number with the promise of discreet billing. Instead they were in a free little niche of the electronic highway and they seem to be a welcoming and somewhat diverse and accepting bunch.

As I rummaged around this site, overwhelmed that there are others with the same wants and needs, I found someone so like myself the resemblance was uncanny, almost scary - not so much in a physical sense although that is the first thing that caught my eye, but so like me in wants and needs and accomplishments that I couldn’t pull myself away from my computer. Here is a person that lives what I profess to want, and when there is a moment that you think goals and desires are unattainable and you see a reflection of yourself that has what you want, does what you want to do and looks content in doing so, you think that maybe you can and should be as true to yourself as you possibly can and pursue a life whether others qualify it as unconventional or abnormal.

I haven’t approached this group but I will - Instead of rushing in I want to savor the moment and revel in my find almost as if it were a treasure to be respected.

Now this group and myself, maybe we’re freaks, maybe we take things less seriously, maybe we all need to buck authority for some reason stemming from our pasts, at least we are still unique but not alone. I hope to make friends or at least learn how these people honor what seems to be the driving forces that I am comprised of - maybe someone is close to me or maybe not but I hope this group is as they appear - I’ll attempt to reach out to them and if I’m lucky maybe my mirror image, that person that seems to be so much like me that it bothers me may just reach back.

Stepping outside the box, or just why the hell am I in the hallway nekkid?

Being naked is nothing for a lot of people; it’s natural and easy and casual and means nothing other than an absence of clothes, while to others the discomfort of being naked means they cannot look at themselves in the mirror alone in the privacy and safety of their on home and when they do catch that awful glimpse it brings them only pain and self-loathing.

Negative self-image is a bitch.

Society is a bitch.

I am maybe the last person that should be advocating freedom like this - look at the picture and you can see a million reasons why I would never be selected as the poster boy for any naturalist/nudist/clothes-free/body-freedom organization and I know each and everyone one of those reasons and trust me, I repeat a number of these to myself every single day - if you feel the need to point any of these out to me via email or IM I’ve already beat you to the punch this morning when I got out of the shower so don’t bother.

Ok, so negative self-image is a bitch and society is a bitch and right now I’ve really stopped caring because I’ve cared for too long and quite frankly I’m rather tired of it and so should everyone else.

I hate the argument that “society dictates that…”. Now society dictates a great deal of good things: laws that protect our safety and freedoms, common courtesy, no nose-picking in public, but I guess that in some way it does dictate the premise that men should have no more than 5% body fat and women are too big if they wear anything bigger than a size 6.

I’m calling bullshit and so should you.

I like men with pot-bellies and would prefer they have more body hair than a boy waiting for the onset of puberty. I think that women should have curves and that means hips and ass and thighs and I am not lying when I think as both sexes get older that wrinkles exhibit character and strength, showing the world years of joy, accomplishment and pain that we all traverse yet should wear as a badge of honor as we overcome obstacles and grow stronger from having done so.

So I stepped outside the box and went into the hallway naked.

Small step but I felt like I was saying that I accept skinny calves, a sagging ass and average penis size as something that I am and nothing short of a miracle is ever going to change those things. I am 46 and I think that it’s high time I stopped worrying about society’s perception of my physical being, learn to accept it, and spend more time improving my inner self. I want to be loved by friends and family for my humor and grace in the face of adversity and my willingness to help pick someone up when they fall and not for any physical quality whether god-given, purchased or earned with blood, sweat and tears.

I just threw out my last copy of Men’s Health and I suggest you throw out any magazine that makes you feel inadequate or ugly and promise to only make changes for your health or well being, not because you think society says you have to have 6-packs abs to get the job or spouse of your dreams.

Now, I would still consider trying to get 6-pack abs if it’d get me laid but that is a whole other entry some night.

Screw looking good naked, trying liking yourself instead.

Remote testing day, or how I got to work naked this Wednesday

I love the company that I work for. Great product, fun and intelligent people in a fostering environment, good pay, and a stellar boss who supports me in every way - all of which makes me extremely lucky and I hope that everyone I work with or for knows this. Now working in Denver, this company also has to be prepared for poor weather and has provided employees with remote access; in the event of extreme weather we can open all of our systems and even accept calls in the comfort of our homes - there is nothing I can do in my office that I can’t do from my dining room table, with the exception of throwing koosh balls at the back of some poor unsuspecting sap’s head.

Now I have to admit I like to go to work - I love to chat with my co-workers, some of which have become my closest friends and know more about me than my family, and I really have to be honest that I like the coffee there too. The fact that I can suck gallons of the stuff for free all while being with people I care about and doing a job that I like is pretty damn good, when you figure that every two weeks they fork over a fair amount of dough to me for doing this.

But then I got to work naked.

On December 3rd we tested our remote access by having all mission-critical employees work from home. On December 2nd I walked into my home and suddenly realized that for the next 36 hours I’d get to be naked.

The bliss set in.

When I got up on December 3rd I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and that was the end of getting ready for work. I talked to co-workers, answered emails and did other work stuff all naked. There were a couple of funny comments on my office IM message which read “No Pants Remote Day” and was accompanied by a picture of an empty pair of jeans, but nothing else was abnormal in my dealings with my buddies as they couldn’t see me, although a good number of them knew that my IM statement was most likely not an inaccuracy. I ate lunch naked, I typed naked, and most importantly I didn’t have to worry about getting the inevitable coffee stain out of shirt at the end of the day (when you drink gallons of this crap you always end up wearing some) but there was no shirt to be dealt with.

I have to admit I missed the personal interaction I have with my friends - people who every day give 100 percent because we believe in what we do and who we do it if for and who we do it with, but it was also really nice to not worry about pressing a shirt, shiny shoes and whether pleated pants show that I am reticent to cross over to plain-fronts because the make me look anorexic. Social nudity would cut down on dry-cleaning and I for one think that anything that cuts down on dry-cleaning costs is damn swell. I also have to admit it was just too cool to hop out of the shower and into the work day with not much preparation in between the two tasks.

Could I work remote from time to time and get this feeling more often? I bet my boss would let me but I would miss her and my best friend and cohort in crime too much, and for what I would save in dry-cleaning I’d lose in my bulk purchases of Dazbog Svoboda blend coffee in order to fuel my addiction.

Working naked would be nice, I would just have to find an office that would allow it and had the same caliber of people - I’ll never find that and a place that lets me drink that much premium coffee without charging back on my paycheck, so I guess I’ll have to stick with 36 hours of being unencumbered whenever remote testing day rolls around...

P.S.

Best friend and cohort in crime: You know who you are and I love you.